2012 was a strange year for me. One that I must admit I was not too sad to see go. I love the new year because it is just so fresh. Not that each day cannot begin anew. But there is something about everyone simultaneously being granted a new beginning.
For me 2012 carried a lot of sadness, confusion, anxiety, depression, bitterness and a lack of motivation. Seemingly miniscule tasks can feel so overwhelming for a person who is depressed.
2012 was a lot of trying to keep my head above the water and just surviving one day at a time in the midst of feeling like I had nothing in life to look forward to.
Unless a person has struggled with depression you can never comprehend or begin to grasp the torment that feels like.
I struggled to find my purpose in life. Well, not so much find, as much as embrace where I was and what we were doing. There was a lot of pretending to be happy and smiling through pain and hurts. Pressing on past anxieties. Feeling like you are on the verge of a nervous breakdown and there is nothing your loved ones around you can do to help. There are no magical words. Nothing but time, mind above matter, and lots and lots of prayer.
I am blessed with great friends and family. Life was/is good. There was nothing to be sad about. But I was. I was so downcast, heavy laden, consumed with burdens that were never mine to carry. The freedom I used to speak on was no longer in my grasp. The hope I have shared with so many others was no longer mine.
In 2012 my life felt like it came to a screeching halt. I was bored. I felt worthless. I felt unimportant. I felt unneeded. Unwanted. Yet, in my heart knew I was blessed. I just couldn't feel it.
2013 for me is about Embracing Simplicity.
That is the motto in my mind. The song in my heart. And the words I will remind myself.
I am choosing to embrace where I am in life, What I do & Where my place is in this world. No matter what. Time to stand tall and embrace who I am in this life.