When Worry Makes Me Weary

I was so incredibly blessed by this devotional yesterday. Hope it touches you as well. I believe it pertains to so many of us.

"When Worry Makes Me Weary"

Renee Swope

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

As we drove home from a weekend in the mountains, I felt a heavy sense of dread and sadness. Laying my head back on my seat, I told my husband, J.J., "I don't want to go home."

After talking through my reasons with him, I realized the stress and strain of countless commitments - at home and work - were taking a toll on me. I just wanted to go back to the mountains where I could rest.

J.J. encouraged me to make a list of everything on my plate and ask God what I needed to cut back. At first I resented his suggestion. It felt like he'd just added one more thing I "needed to do." Yet I knew J.J. was right and eventually I made the list.

Then I asked God to show me where to make changes. Much to my surprise the changes I sensed Him leading me to make weren't in my schedule - they were in me.

God didn't show me I needed to cut back at work or in ministry. He didn't show me our kids were in too many activities. He didn't lead me to take a sabbatical, although I was kind of hoping He would.

Instead, I sensed it was worry - not my workload - that was making me weary.

I thought about the months leading up to this point and realized I'd spent almost as much time thinking and worrying about deadlines as I spent working on them. Some days my concerns about commitments and meeting people's expectations had consumed me.

I had let my mind dwell on the possible outcome of several different decisions - all at the same time - and it left me depleted mentally, emotionally and physically.

Honestly though, until I stopped and talked to God about it, I didn't recognize my mental mayhem as worry.

My mind is wired to think a lot so I'd gotten used to the constant flurry of motion in my brain. Yet anxiety had crept in slowly, causing tangles in my thoughts, a tightening in my chest, and tension in my neck. Some days I couldn't stop thinking about ALL I needed to do.

Instead of going back to the mountains to rest, I sensed God wanted me to find a resting place in His presence right in the middle of my busy life. Through today's key verse from Matthew 11:28, He invited me to come to Him with the worries that were making me weary.

Do you sense Him inviting you to come to Him today?

He promises a place to quiet your thoughts in His presence. "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'" (Ps. 91:1-2 NIV)

He offers freedom from the captivity of your concerns when you bring them to Him:"'Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. And I will lead you back from captivity.'" (Jeremiah 29:13-14 NIV)

Today, instead of letting our worries make us weary, let's respond to God's invitation and come to Him - asking, seeking and finding a resting place for our restless thoughts.

Dear Lord, when my concerns consume me, help me remember You are there inviting me to come to You and talk about all I'm thinking and doing. Show me if my workload or my worries are making me weary and help me trust You with both. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Here Renee gives some practical tips to help our weary souls :)

Pleasantville VS Reality

According to Social Media a lot of my friends currently live in Pleasantville. Where life is daisies & fluff. Where life smells like roses & cherries. Everyone is SO blessed. Everyone is best friends. Everyone has THE perfect spouse. The most obedient, well behaved, cutest, always clean, never pee in their pants kids. Life is just hunky dory.

I mean, come on. Really? Really. Your life is seriously this fabulous ALL of the time? No. It isn't. That's not reality.

We live in this world of REAL life and then Social Media life.

A world where we have to pretend because our stalkers might see the real us. We fear the real us. Bosses might fire you for admitting something on the internet we all think, say or do. We might not get hired because of our Facebook activity. It's gotten so lame for some.

Modern Technology = 2012. It's the way people communicate today. So if it's the way we communicate why not be real? Why all this fluff?

While I am totally a glass half full, look at the positive, count your blessings type of person...I do have bad days. And sometimes I just want to be real. Sometimes I want to tell you I am having a bad day without feeling judged by the onlookers that think..."I can't believe she is admitting that". The last person anyone wants to open up to or be real with, is someone from the land of Pleasantville.

My world doesn't always smell like cherries. Though right now, if I really had to find a time we were the "happiest"...it may just be right now. Freedom galore.  My own little life is great. So this is NOT coming from a 'my life sucks so I'm gonna rain on your parade' attitude. Because if ever there was a time that it sucked, surely it's not now.

I think I have most often strived to be vulnerable in my life. Whether through social media or one on one. A lack of vulnerability has always frustrated me. Fake people have never NOT driven me insane, let's put it that way.

I say this from a heart that desires more sincerity. More vulnerable hearts. More honesty. More depth. More realness. Less fakeness. Less fruity fluff.

No, don't air your dirty laundry all over the place. No don't be a Debbie Downer and suck the life out of us. Vent if you need to, but you don't have to be a jerk about it. Just be real. There are ways to say & do things obviously. It just comes down to real vs fake. Reality vs Unreality.

I just wish there was more of a balance from people.

Some people and their posts. Ay yi yi..I mean do you really talk that way in life? All that weird lingo, saying the right things. Churchy words? Typing out what sounds so eloquent. All your lovey dovey, who haa. It's annoying. Who talks like that? Go get a job at a Greeting card company where your cheese would fit in quite well.

Miss June Cleaver, Stop trying to make others jealous by bragging about all of the good and only the good...all. of. the. stinking. time.

Life isn't a competition. Life isn't about who you can 'one up'. Honestly, when you brag, all that comes from it are people's annoyance. Sure people might feel envious, but is their envy worth their annoyance with you?

I don't know about you, but I think vulnerability is so refreshing.

We are usually blind to the power our vulnerability has. We've become so discouraged from embracing our vulnerability & letting others see it. But when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable we heal in ways we never thought possible, others heal from our willingness to be open & real. 


Vulnerability on our part makes us so much more sensitive & empathetic to others. It means you deal with your present feelings and emotions. Vulnerability is scary. It opens us up to hurts, pain, judgement, critique, rejection, etc. I know that doesn't sound real fun. But on the other end, it is so liberating and freeing. No pretending. No keeping up with the Joneses. No keeping up appearances. No having to keep track of your lies, embellishments or exaggerations.

When I hear someone be real and open I am more apt to hear and listen to what they have to say or share. Someone from Pleasantville on the other hand, yes, their words go in one ear & out the other.

If you are sad...It's okay to admit it. When you are rejoicing, we will rejoice with you. It's not about not saying what you are happy, excited, or blessed with. It's about balance. It's about your heart.

A catty, fake heart shows through the fluffiness.

A sincere heart shows through your honesty.

A person trying to one up the world or make another jealous is planning their own demise.

Stop exhausting yourself with all of the pretending.

Just be yourself. Be real. Be vulnerable. When you struggle let another stand with you. If you aren't comfortable telling the whole world you don't have to for crying out loud. Like I said, I don't think people should air their dirty laundry and be a bunch of Joy stealing, Negative Nellie's. Being vulnerable doesn't mean telling the whole world every little thing under the sun about your life. I'm not suggesting that.

Just be real. Start one on one. Open up to someone. Slowly but surely it will come out in other areas and people will be more likely to respect you & listen to what you have to say.

If someone asks you how you are, and honestly you are not doing well...Then don't go overboard telling them how hunky dory life is while you are dying alone inside.

Some Monday Reflections...

There is nothing like a long drive all alone to give you time to reflect. Yesterday I was driving home from a fabulous, absolutely fantastic Girls Weekend away in Minneapolis. Minneapolis in general brings about a world of emotion for me. It was a place God brought us to and that I followed & went hesitantly. Leaving all I knew and a place where everything was seemingly perfect. It was one of those God kept leading, pulling, and tugging situations until we would obediently follow. It was a place where a picture was painted one way, and then upon arrival we saw what we signed up for. Most of all it was a place where God wanted us temporarily.

We left an amazing youth ministry that we had been apart of for 8 years & an awesome church that we loved and where we were so loved. To begin the journey I was pregnant with baby #3. Jeremy had to go ahead and make the move without us, while I stayed back to sell the house. 4 months of living a part, which in the grand scheme of life is nothing, but when you are hormonal as ALL get out, it can feel like an eternity.

When we finally moved I had 10 weeks left of my pregnancy. Moving day comes and I begin to have some minor complications...Resembling something I went through during my first pregnancy which put me on bed rest. Oh for the love Jesus, why now? Moving day... That put a stress on me like no other. I had a miscarriage before baby #2, so any issue that somewhat resembles any kind of pregnancy danger can do a number on your heart and mind. Top that off with leaving our family and friends and already being hormonal...this is how I personally entered in to our MN journey.

My first Sunday at our new church it took everything within me not to break down and cry. I walked around just fighting tears & holding back my every emotion. I didn't want to be there. No matter how hard I tried and how much I persevered, I was absolutely heartbroken. Leaving our kids back at our old church. Leaving my little brother who was in 8th/9th grade & still in our youth ministry. Where will he end up without us? Leaving family & friends and people who still needed us was just sad. Knowing how much it crushed others that we were leaving was harder than anything. I don't say that to pat myself on the back or elude to the fact that we are exceptionally special. Though God does find us all, exceptionally special. Its just that we left A LOT and it was really, really hard!

Obedience to God's plan isn't always easy, but it is necessary. Jesus didn't exactly run to the cross saying "Okay, kill me, kill me! Beat me, beat me!" He even prayed that God would take this cup from Him, "Not my will, but yours be done". Jesus is the prime example of obedience to God's will & in facing the ultimate cross. We all have crosses to bear. We all have mountains to climb with weight on our shoulders, We all have times of feeling persecuted, beaten down, & having our spirit's crushed. Jesus is our example of obedience no matter what.

It's taken me a while to truly allow the Lord to bring all of my thoughts together and to write about this and allow Him to use this portion of my life. Because I experienced some big time hurts when we first got there.

Sometimes our time there felt like a corny Lifetime movie where all of the movie watchers & the main character know of the culprits true colors, but everyone else is blind to it. Causing the main character to resemble the psychotic one. And you are just waiting and waiting for the end of the movie where the truth comes out & you are no longer looking like the guilty, bad guy.

As I had time to reflect over this part of my life, I can say that I first went to MN dragging my feet. Then Ironically, moved back to where the Lord moved us from in the first place dragging my feet. So MN was a great time. Its a place I love. Filled with people I adore. I would move back in a heartbeat, but again, God's plan prevails. Any place we have left, we have gone not necessarily wanting to or embracing what was next off the top of the bat. But going because God lead us. It's important to leave a place well.

So, back to my first Sunday at our new church in MN, I will never forget 2 women that immediately reached out to me by validating all that I was feeling. They didn't even know how sad my heart was. One just knew they had once left their home to move far away and enter the unknown, and the other knew what ministry life can be like and how people can expect you to just embrace them off the bat and be there for them like you are Mother Teresa. Pastors wife or not, I'm a human being with real feelings. I knew that "this too shall pass" but at the moment I was in the thick of it. And the thick of it felt like the world running around me expecting me to hop on and do everything their way or how they felt I should live my life, be a mom & a wife. And most of the "opinions" came from unmarried people, newlyweds, or those without kids. It was so hard.

Its easy to have an opinion about something we know nothing about.

We all have flaws stitched together with good intentions. I didn't mean to come across as hating a place. But I have to say, people weren't making it easy to love at this point. Never in my adult life had I endured more tearful nights at the expense of another's actions or words. Being gossiped about, stinks. Trying to be the best wife & mother you can be while being ridiculed for doing so is not an easy task at all.

But I stuck to my guns through the tough times and NEVER did my priorities waver. Not once. God first, Husband & kids next...then comes ministry. And my kids though young, have yet to resent ministry, because for us it has always been a family thing. Our kids are apart of it. And if they can't be, I sometimes stay back to be with them, or we get a sitter depending on the situation and what I feel is best for our family. But we will never sacrifice our family on the altar of ministry. And you shouldn't either. Whether it be a job, ministry, whatever. Don't ever sacrifice your family. God spoke to me over & over "You have the rest of your life for ministry outside of your home, right now your kids are your ministry and they will only be in your house for so long". After all, I am their only mother and the only woman who will answer for how she raised her girls.

Our family became SO strong during our time in Minnesota. And in the meantime, God brought amazing friends into our lives. We have made lifelong friends. Met families that have impacted us greatly. Worked with amazing students and leaders! Grew in amazing ways. Learned so many life lessons in such a short time.

When I was still really new, before my baby3 was born, a fellow pastor's wife, brought me aside and said "I couldn't do it"..."I don't know how you did it"..."I couldn't have done it"...That was it. VALIDATION! She has no idea the impact of her validation in that season of my life.

Oh how we need to validate one another more often! How we must be tender and compassionate towards eachother. Less judging, and more love, grace & understanding!

**A little side note...there's an awesome miracle in all of this too...Pregnant and living alone. Taking care of 2 little ones by myself...In the winter, requiring a lot of shoveling and house selling stress. Some red flags & scariness on moving day...Makenna comes 3 weeks early and totally healthy...BUT the way the cord was attached to the "I hate this word" placenta...Basically it could have ripped at any point. During pregnancy, labor, etc. And resulted in immediate death. It's called Vasa Previa. When vasa previa is not detected there is a 95% chance of stillbirth. They didn't detect it in any ultrasound. This vasa previa was because of a valamentous cord insertion, wheras, again is miraculous. Because usually when that is detected they need you to have a c-section at 35 weeks as labor can cause death. Makenna was born at 37 weeks. I'm sorry, but if you don't believe in miracles...**

So a new move, a new baby, a non-resilient, at the time 5 year old who cries nightly because of the move, as if by obeying God, we are torturing her in the process. It was an emotional move for all of us.

But God brought about women, who without even knowing what I was feeling, validated me in ways I cannot be grateful enough for! 

And friends...Ohhh, dear, dear friends I will be blessed for a lifetime with. God is so good.

The Lord taught me forgiveness. He taught me grace. He taught me how to do the right thing, even when I felt like punching someone in the face. He taught me how to rise above & be confident in who I am and in the wife & mother He has called me to be no matter what any outside, naive source thinks. God is so good. I had a neighborhood and home I loved. I was so blessed during our time in MN. God blesses us so much when we obey. He blesses us when we do the right thing in tough situations. God blesses us for being gracious. And in being gracious there are no regrets. Gossip gets to anyone. Gossip hurts. Rumors stink. But pressing on and doing what's right brings such peace in the midst of hard times.

Had we not persevered and pressed on through tough times, we would have so many regrets. Instead, we have a place we love :) People I have forgiven...Because in Jesus example on the cross when He says "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" He gives us the power to choose to see people through God's eyes. And when we battle with another, it's not really them, but the enemy through them, using his manipulative & weaseling ways to get under our skin. As God can use us, so can the enemy.

We hold so much power in our choices.

Choose to love.

Choose to validate someone daily.

Choose to refrain from being sucked in to gossip & rumors.

Choose not to spread your speculations or personal opinions as facts.

Choose to speak kindly.

Choose to understand another. 

Choose to forgive.

Choose to kill people with kindness.

Choose to do what's right even when you don't feel like it.

Choose to obey God's leading wherever you are.

Well Women

Thank you Jesus for loving me and knowing the REAL me.




I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”

Refrain:
Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.

For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim;
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb. 

And now complete in Him,
My robe, His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest. 

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.

When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.

And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down,
All down at Jesus’ feet.

The Past & it's Broken Pieces

Don't let your failures define who you are. Learn from them & leave them in the past. God is greater than our mistakes. He is full of mercy & grace. Learn lessons & move on. Draw near to God. He is waiting with arms wide open. YOU are so loved! Don't live a life of regrets. Don't beat yourself up over yesterday's failures. 

Come as you are, with all your broken pieces & all your shameful scars. Bring all of the pain you hold in your heart to Jesus! Listen to this song & let the words bless your heart. Receive God's forgiveness and don't continue beating yourself up over the past that cannot be changed.

Louder than the voice that whispers you're unworthy, hear the sound of love that tells a different story! Shattering your darkness & pushing through the lies. How tenderly he calls us! His arms are open wide!

You may have messed up in your life and feel so ashamed of your past, but God forgives us, loves us and will never be ashamed of us when we give it all to Him!

I, even I, am He who not only forgives your sin, but also forgets! -Isaiah 43:25

Women are...

I LOVE being a woman!

Women are classy, women are strong, women are sensitive, women are loving, women are influential, women are the staple of the home! Women are captivating. Women have the ability to bring so much joy to a room. Women can be tough AND gentle. Women are beautiful. Women are kind. Women are smart. We are important. Women are courageous. Women are faithful. Women are victorious.

Women have class!

Women are advocates!

Women are confident!

Women are kind, smart & important!

Women are precious!

Women are survivors!

Clothed in STRENGTH

Women are wondrous!

        

                                                                     

Women are fighters!

Nope, it's JUST a gut.

So 3 times in my life...3 random times...each years apart...I have received the dreaded, most awful question you can ever ask a woman when the answer is "NO".

Now years apart, probably because with seasons and hormones, emotions and circumstances, MOST women "fluctuate" in all different, kinds of ways.

Each time the question was by a WOMAN too! Ladies, aren't we supposed to stick together? Seriously.

More than motivate me, it makes me annoyed. Because each year it's tougher and tougher to be "hot" won't you say? (though I will keep trying anyway)

I consider myself quite confident, so I actually felt worse for the women when they asked annoyingly spoke out this question.

If you are not sure of the answer, DON'T ASK! We all know this rule, do we not ladies?

Another thing...don't look down at a woman's stomach, then up, then glance down again. Cause it's not non-challant even though you think you are being discreet. You might as well just come out and pop the dreaded question.

You wear shirts that aren't fitted as to look more appropriate because quite frankly who wants to see that? But then those shirts look like tents off of your middle which cause the wondering. We just cannot win. (time for sit-ups)

But what we can do is realize we ALL come in different shapes & sizes. God says we are beautiful. AND last but NOT least "DO NOT ASK A WOMAN IF THEY ARE HAVING A BABY UNLESS YOU KNOW BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT THE ANSWER IS YES!"