Worship Wednesday (Savior To Me)

Worship Wednesday (There is Nothing Greater than Grace)

A Different Kind of Normal

I have had this post title on my mind for a good month by now. I have so much I feel like I want to share. But I find myself at a road block as to how to share it. Where to start. What to say or what not to say. Will I be misunderstood? Will people know my heart? Will people judge? Will they speculate more?

I know people mean well. In general, I think people are good. After all my family has only known ministry-life together. So when people see our new normal I imagine it sparks curiosity. Can I really blame you for being curious? Not really...

So, where to begin.

For the first time in my and Jeremy's existence as "Laura & Jeremy" we are not in full time ministry. We have taken a little 'hiatus' one could say. It's weird. It's awesome. It's scary. It's sad. It's exciting. It feels a little naked. It's freeing. It's awkward. It's a blessing. And for some reason causes great emotion to rise as I type this. Sometimes I want to cry at the drop of a hat. Sometimes I want to shout "FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY I AM FREE AT LAST"! One thing that's not changed is we have never doubted our Jesus. We have not feared what we lack. God is good, all of the stinking time. We trust Him wholeheartedly. Only He knows the story He is writing for our lives and I am happy for the role we get to play and the ways He has used us, continues to use us, and will use us in new ways.

Life is interesting to say the least. I mean, it can definitely throw you some unexpected curve balls. I, personally want answers to life's mysteries. But I've learned through this, that sometimes you just aren't going to get all of the how's or why's; the reasons, or the missing pieces. And we really just need to be okay with that. If I can learn to be okay with it in my own life, surely you who wonder or speculate can be okay not knowing and just love us for us.

I'd be lying if I didn't often allow my mind to wander off to far away places of what -ifs and maybe we should have. But the would've, should've, could'ves are in the past. Why dwell on what was, what isn't, what could have been, what should have been, etc. when it just flat out ISN'T. But it's easy to think staying in "this place"....doing "this thing or that" would make all of the difference. Really, this is apart of the story God is writing. So while it's a heck of a lot different than we planned or thought, it's all apart of God's big picture. And He is in control.

In the process of embracing this new normal, I find both positives and negatives, as we can about any situation. I shouldn't really say negatives, because honestly, our life is great. Our family is thriving. We have time on our hands. We get to be normal people. Like, a normal, real family.

No magnifying glass. No scrutiny over our every whim. I get to be 100% totally & truly me, without inhibition. No one to put me in a box. NO MORE BOX! I love living outside of the box. And this has shown me that there is soooo much more we can do! There are so many opportunities that await us! Ministry 100% totally GOD's way! And no one to tell us when to sit, how to sit, what to sit on, etc. NO. MORE. BOX. :) :) :)

Don't get me wrong though, I miss pastoring too. I miss it a lot. It's all I have known as an adult. As a wife. And as a mother. How do I do life as a non-active pastors wife? Do I still fit in the little pastoral circle? Am I a part of the club? Or do I not fit in? Because I kinda feel like I'm not fitting in. I'm a little on the outside. But where do I fit in?

And there is something I have noticed that makes me sad. Quite sad, is the way christians treat normal people vs pastors wives/families. I feel a little like a heathen when I meet a new christian now. Where when someone knew I was a pastor's wife an instant "respect" was often bestowed upon me. An instant kindness offered. Sad, but true. I don't mean it pridefully, it's just something I have noticed lately. It makes a person's self esteem waver. It causes insecurities to rise. Because now, people need to get to know me for me. Not Pastor Jeremy's wife. Me. Just, plain old Laura. And I tell you, I am a confident person in general. But a drastic, somewhat traumatic change can cause a lot of 'feel sorry for yourself' feelings to rise. Right or wrong, they happen.

This new normal allows a new insight into BOTH sides. Where before when I was on one side, I was young, single, etc. Now I have been on the "IN"side for so long...being back over here on the 'out'side causes a whole new perspective.  I know my Jesus is going to use this perspective and new insight. Even though it stinks sometimes, I am excited!

New insight = New opportunity

I have had to remind myself that those who truly know us know our character and what is in it and what is out of it. So true friends can just know there's more to things sometimes. But it's not worth knowing it all. If I'm content with not having all of the answers, so can anyone be.

Life is great. We've learned so much wherever God has taken us. We are grateful for every church we have been a part of and the relationships made and lifelong friendships we get to carry wherever we go. Since being married we have been true to ourselves, our principles, kept our priorities straight and for that I am proud of my sweet little family.

I consider this hiatus a time of refreshing, healing, strengthening and rest.

We are blessed.
We like where God has us.
We are embracing our new normal.
We know we are where God wants us right now.

Ministry just looks different than it ever has before for us.

Calling all Moms of Daughters (Worship Wednesday)

This is my girls' favorite song right now. I have to say, it has not gotten old hearing them sing these lyrics over & over! Especially as they sing it with such joy!

Worship Wednesday (Forever Reign)

AMEN! This song captures my heart & pulls out praise for my Savior from the first word!



You are good, You are good, when there’s nothing good in me. You are love, You are love, on display for all to see. You are light, You are light, when the darkness closes in. You are hope, You are hope, You have covered all my sin. You are peace, You are peace, when my fear is crippling. You are true, You are true, even in my wandering. You are joy, You are joy, You’re the reason that i sing. You are life, You are life, in You death has lost its sting. oh, i’m running to Your arms, i’m running to Your arms, the riches of Your love will always be enough, nothing compares to Your embrace, Light of the world forever reign. You are more, You are more than my words will ever say. You are Lord, You are Lord, all creation will proclaim. You are here, You are here, in Your presence i’m made whole. You are God, You are God, of all else i’m letting go.  my heart will sing, no other name, Jesus, Jesus. my heart will sing no other name, Jesus, Jesus. 

Worship Wednesday (Steady My Heart)

Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much

But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You

Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just falls apart
I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul
Healer of my scars
You steady my heart (x2)

I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan

And I will run to You
You're my refuge in Your arms
And I will sing to You
Cause of everything You are

You steady my heart (x2)

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. They have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

As we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied, as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "For Whites Only". We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"