April 30, 2012

On Edge

The title speaks for itself.

This is me.

The way I have been feeling.

It's really a whole bunch of things. That moment when everyone drives you insane. Every post you read makes you want to swear. The smallest situation that can set you off.

I am on edge. I hate being on edge. The following will show you just how so on edge I am...

People and their pompous, arrogant ways.

A lady at the gym I may just sock one to the next time I smile at her and she just looks at me with her ugly scowl. Yea, that's right lady, I will wipe that freaken scowl right off your pointy face. (I JUST HAVE TO SHARE THIS LITTLE UPDATE 5-1-12 The lady at the gym had a very cute dress on today...So I made a point to tell her "I really like your dress". She said thanks. I said "super cute". She said thanks again. And now I am over it because she accepted my TRUE compliment which erased my on edge-ness with her) :)

Bickering, arguing, bickering, arguing...sets me off.

Some people's happiness and perfect little lives put me on edge.

People who ask too many questions set me off.

Sometimes I don't want to answer questions. Sometimes I don't want to talk about myself. Can't I just listen to you?

People who have used us, crushed us and thrown us to the wayside and then carried on with their little life sets me off.

All the fitness crap I have become so over-obsessed reading. Eat this, don't eat this, do this, do that...Try it all, yet weigh the same. That sets me off. :)

The person who would comment on this that I need to count my blessings, puts me on edge. My blessings are counted. I am still on edge.

The mom with kids who barely has to work at her hot body sets me off.

Politics and stupidity sets me off.

Messes, clutter, my dog shedding, light when I am trying to sleep makes me on edge.

People loving and adoring a person that I know is a crooked fool puts me on edge.

When I am on to someone, but no one else is...or everyone else thinks that person is a saint, puts me on edge.

The unknown keeps me on edge.

People who play unnecessary, immature games set me off.

Not being listened to.

Being misunderstood.

People who talk about stuff like they know what they are talking about but haven't a clue and then get extra opinionated keep me on edge.

Advice when I didn't ask for it puts me on edge.

'Know it all's' put me on edge.

I am overwhelmed with who knows what...and on edge. I don't like feeling this way.

What am I doing to try and help myself and change my perspective?

1. Limit what I read.
In regards to the fitness stuff and news. All the don't do's and the must do's.

2. Recognize there are *certain days I must limit my time perusing facebook because that's when I read posts that annoy me the most as it pertains to certain people and places.
I am also limiting what comes to my phone because some people and their tweets put me on edge.
I have been quite delete & block happy lately :) It's SO liberating.

3. The doctor has ordered MORE SLEEP
I am trying very, very hard. Ideally 8 hours would be fabulous, but even 7 is better than the on average 5 hrs of sleep I currently get. Plus lack of sleep makes me fat.

4. Not being afraid of calling people out on their crap. Being a little more gutsy & confident.

5. Read my bible & pray more...I have admittedly been slacking at this in the midst of the busyness of life

6. Admitting my struggle & how I am feeling is humiliating & makes me vulnerable which in turn keeps me humble.

So this post is mostly for me. When I air my stuff I feel better.

But it's also for anyone else who feels or has felt so on edge that everyone and everything drives you bonkers. Or when life just seems to keep throwing lemon after lemon at you and you just cannot bring yourself to make the lemonade or find the silver lining in any of it.

April 25, 2012

All This Time (Worship Wednesday)

When you take the time to listen to these lyrics I trust this song will bless your socks off! This is one of my kids' favorite songs & singers!

Overcome (Worship Wednesday)

Jeremy Camp's explanation of his song "Overcome"

I love the lyrics that say
Seated above, enthroned in the Father's love
Destined to die, poured out for all mankind
God's only Son, perfect and spotless one
He never sinned but suffered as if He did

All authority
Every victory is Yours
All authority
Every victory is Yours

Savior, worthy of honor and glory
Worthy of all our praise, You overcame
Jesus, awesome in power forever
Awesome and great is Your name, You overcame

Power in hand speaking the Father's plan
You're sending us out, light in this broken land

We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb
And the word of our testimony, everyone overcome

April 18, 2012

All Of Me (Worship Wednesday)

Vulnerability in Times of Temptation

I am just loving this woman and her vulnerability! So much of what she posts and speaks is so relatable for me. Having gone through many of the same things she has in her life, I am just so encouraged by her honesty.

While, my blog is about being truly me and vulnerable, I don't expect everyone to air their dirty laundry all over the place unless you are comfortable and led to do so. But, I will say, there is such power in sharing our struggles, shortcomings, joys, highs, lows, etc.

When we can be vulnerable and real we are so much more approachable. Our life can be such an example to so many if we will allow it. I am so encouraged when I can read or hear that someone has gone through or is currently struggling with a similar struggle that I am or have.

Vulnerability is about leaning on each other, encouraging another, not judging each other. It's about admitting the truth. Admitting what you are going through. And holding one another up.

We fear vulnerability because we fear rejection.

God accepts you as you are. So be vulnerable and let Him use you!

Today I read this post from Tricia Goyer and was so encouraged. That's what being vulnerable does, it helps you feel a sense of norm in the midst of your struggle, which in turn makes you feel comfort vs struggling alone. When we can open up, we can find partners in our struggles. Friends whom we can lift one another up. Armor bearers. More times than not, when you say "this is what I am going through" to a trusted friend, they will tell you a similar thing they are going through or have gone through. It just works that way.

In Tricia's post she asks What about you? What advice would you give? Or if you found yourself attracted to someone already married (or someone other than your spouse), what did/would you do?

(You have to read her post to understand the advice :)) The advice I would give is of course to pray. Pray for strength. Pray for that person. Turn your struggle into prayer time & some big time one on one with God. Focus on the solution which is being strong & resisting temptation. Knowing your feelings can be common and normal, but not letting that be a license to give in to temptation.  Resisting the urge to give in & knowing that flirting with lines in marriage are not okay. Make boundaries. Limit your time around that person. What we feed grows and what we starve dies. We make vows, commitments, & promises not to break them, but to fulfill them and continue fighting for them. Feed your marriage, starve your temptation. (And that goes for any temptation)

I love when Tricia says "If those feelings are there don't dwell on them. When you are near him and feel those feeling emerging, start praying for this man's marriage and family, as hard as it can be".  I would add, maybe he's not married, maybe you both are, or maybe just you are...so Pray for your marriage and family. Pray for him that God would bring him a godly wife & for his walk with God. But don't dwell on temptations. Focus on the solution.  Bringing everything to God. Count your blessings and don't believe the lie that the grass is greener on the other side. Even if it appears pretty plump & green.

Lastly, don't suffer in silence. Tell someone your struggle. Whatever it is. Lean on someone you can trust. 

April 15, 2012

Parenting Tidbit

I think one of my biggest parenting struggles tends to be time. And remembering that to a child love is usually most often spelled T-I-M-E. I need to make more time, as well as take more time in any given situation. Time goes way too fast as it is. I do enjoy my kids and try to make the most of opportunities. I've never wished time away, but rather wish it would slow down. But sometimes I just need to ignore all else in the busyness of my day when it comes to my kids in general. To really strive to live in each moment and savor it.

I read this quote on Pinterest:

Listen earnestly to anything your children want to tell you, no matter what. 
If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, 
they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them ALL of it has been big stuff. 
-Catherine M. Wallace

I have to listen eagerly. 
I have to listen earnestly.

April 13, 2012

Letting Go

Let go and let God 
knowing that the source of all good IS in charge.

"When one door closes another door opens; 
but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, 
that we do not see the ones which open for us." -Alexander Graham Bell

"Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened." -Dr Seuss
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us." -Joseph Campbell
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:6-7
"There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind.     But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life."

I want to let go, I'm weary and bound
I'm giving it up; I'm laying it down, oh
Take it away, out of my hands
Out of my reach and safe in your plans.

'Cause I need to know, that you can hear me,
Fill me with your peace, yeah, and cover me gently,
Like only you can...

So take me, and hold me, break me and mold me,
Take me, and hold me, break me and mold me
I want to let go

Cradle my hands, knuckles so white
Open them up, and say it's alright, oh
Show me a plan, call it your own
Make it a journey, leading me home

'Cause I need to know, that you can hear me
Fill me with your peace, yeah, and cover me gently
Like only you can...

So take me, and hold me, break me and mold me, oh
Take me, and hold me, break me and mold me
I want to let go

April 12, 2012

Music that Moves

Every time I hear a song I absolutely love or that just really really speaks to me, I find out it's by Sidewalk Prophets. Surprise, surprise...Safe to say they are one of my absolute favorite bands right now. The lyrics to their music are just beautiful, heartfelt, & truly anointed as if I penned them from my own heart.

You Can Have Me

You Love Me Anyway

Change My Heart

The Words I Would Say

April 6, 2012

Stations of the Cross

We took our kids to Holy Hill to view the Stages of the Cross. It's a GORGEOUS place to go and walk around. We had never done this before, (I actually never knew about it) but after going the kids now want to do it every year. It's definitely a neat little tradition not just for Catholics, which we are not.

You can view more images here of Holy Hill. I wish I took more pictures of the grounds and beautiful scenery. It's just absolutely gorgeous.

I found some printable coloring pages where you can Walk With Jesus on the Way of the Cross if there isn't a place you can go to view the stations.

I stumbled upon this blog post and tailored the ideas a bit. This was a great little way to remind our kids the stages we just walked through. We found a little area and sat down once we were done to go through these. The kids had a lot of fun with it.

Station 1 Jesus is Condemned to Death – a piece of yarn to represent the rope used to tie Jesus’ hands
Station 2 Jesus Carries His Cross — a small cross
Station 3 Jesus Falls the First Time — three band-aids to represent Jesus’ three falls.
Station 4 Jesus Meets His Mother Mary – Picture of Mary
Station 5 Simon Helps Jesus — We traced & cut out a hand to visualize hands are made to help
Station 6 Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus —piece of cloth
Station 7 Jesus Falls the Second Time – bandaid 2
Station 8
 Jesus Comforts the Women of Jerusalem — a tissue for their tears
Station 9 Jesus Falls the Third Time – bandaid 3
Station 10 Jesus is Stripped of His Garments — a cloak cut out from a piece of paper
Station 11 Jesus is Nailed to the Cross — 3 nails (2 in each hand & one in his legs)

Station 12 Jesus Dies on the Cross — a picture of Jesus
1 John 3:16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
Station 13 Jesus is Taken Down from the Cross — spices & strips of linen John 19:40
Station 14 Jesus is Buried – a stone/rock to represent the stone rolled in front of the tomb

I would recommend reading Matthew 26 & 27 as well.

April 4, 2012

Changed (Worship Wednesday)

I came up out of the water
Raise my Hands up to the father
Gave it all to him that day
Felt a new wind kiss my face
Walked away, Eyes wide open
Could finally see where I was going
Didn’t matter where I been I’m not the same man I was then.

I got off track, I made mistakes
Back slid my way into that place where souls get lost
Lines get crossed
And the pain won’t go away
I hit my knees, Now here I stand
There I was, now here I am
Here I am

I got a lot of “hey I’m sorry”
The things I’ve done man that was not me
I wish I could take it all back
I just want to tell em’ that

I got off track, I made mistakes
Back slid my way into that place where souls get lost
Lines get crossed
And the pain won’t go away
I hit my knees, Now here I stand
There I was, now here I am
Here I am

I’ve changed for the better
More Smiles, that’s better
I even started to forgive myself

I hit my knee, I’m here I stand
There I was, now here I am
Here I am, Here I am, Here I am
Yes I am
I’m changed for the better.

April 3, 2012

Pleasantville VS Reality

According to Social Media a lot of my friends currently live in Pleasantville. Where life is daisies & fluff. Where life smells like roses & cherries. Everyone is SO blessed. Everyone is best friends. Everyone has THE perfect spouse. The most obedient, well behaved, cutest, always clean, never pee in their pants kids. Life is just hunky dory.

I mean, come on. Really? Really. Your life is seriously this fabulous ALL of the time? No. It isn't. That's not reality.

We live in this world of REAL life and then Social Media life.

A world where we have to pretend because our stalkers might see the real us. We fear the real us. Bosses might fire you for admitting something on the internet we all think, say or do. We might not get hired because of our Facebook activity. It's gotten so lame for some.

Modern Technology = 2012. It's the way people communicate today. So if it's the way we communicate why not be real? Why all this fluff?

While I am totally a glass half full, look at the positive, count your blessings type of person...I do have bad days. And sometimes I just want to be real. Sometimes I want to tell you I am having a bad day without feeling judged by the onlookers that think..."I can't believe she is admitting that". The last person anyone wants to open up to or be real with, is someone from the land of Pleasantville.

My world doesn't always smell like cherries. Though right now, if I really had to find a time we were the "happiest"...it may just be right now. Freedom galore.  My own little life is great. So this is NOT coming from a 'my life sucks so I'm gonna rain on your parade' attitude. Because if ever there was a time that it sucked, surely it's not now.

I think I have most often strived to be vulnerable in my life. Whether through social media or one on one. A lack of vulnerability has always frustrated me. Fake people have never NOT driven me insane, let's put it that way.

I say this from a heart that desires more sincerity. More vulnerable hearts. More honesty. More depth. More realness. Less fakeness. Less fruity fluff.

No, don't air your dirty laundry all over the place. No don't be a Debbie Downer and suck the life out of us. Vent if you need to, but you don't have to be a jerk about it. Just be real. There are ways to say & do things obviously. It just comes down to real vs fake. Reality vs Unreality.

I just wish there was more of a balance from people.

Some people and their posts. Ay yi yi..I mean do you really talk that way in life? All that weird lingo, saying the right things. Churchy words? Typing out what sounds so eloquent. All your lovey dovey, who haa. It's annoying. Who talks like that? Go get a job at a Greeting card company where your cheese would fit in quite well.

Miss June Cleaver, Stop trying to make others jealous by bragging about all of the good and only the good...all. of. the. stinking. time.

Life isn't a competition. Life isn't about who you can 'one up'. Honestly, when you brag, all that comes from it are people's annoyance. Sure people might feel envious, but is their envy worth their annoyance with you?

I don't know about you, but I think vulnerability is so refreshing.

We are usually blind to the power our vulnerability has. We've become so discouraged from embracing our vulnerability & letting others see it. But when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable we heal in ways we never thought possible, others heal from our willingness to be open & real. 

Vulnerability on our part makes us so much more sensitive & empathetic to others. It means you deal with your present feelings and emotions. Vulnerability is scary. It opens us up to hurts, pain, judgement, critique, rejection, etc. I know that doesn't sound real fun. But on the other end, it is so liberating and freeing. No pretending. No keeping up with the Joneses. No keeping up appearances. No having to keep track of your lies, embellishments or exaggerations.

When I hear someone be real and open I am more apt to hear and listen to what they have to say or share. Someone from Pleasantville on the other hand, yes, their words go in one ear & out the other.

If you are sad...It's okay to admit it. When you are rejoicing, we will rejoice with you. It's not about not saying what you are happy, excited, or blessed with. It's about balance. It's about your heart.

A catty, fake heart shows through the fluffiness.

A sincere heart shows through your honesty.

A person trying to one up the world or make another jealous is planning their own demise.

Stop exhausting yourself with all of the pretending.

Just be yourself. Be real. Be vulnerable. When you struggle let another stand with you. If you aren't comfortable telling the whole world you don't have to for crying out loud. Like I said, I don't think people should air their dirty laundry and be a bunch of Joy stealing, Negative Nellie's. Being vulnerable doesn't mean telling the whole world every little thing under the sun about your life. I'm not suggesting that.

Just be real. Start one on one. Open up to someone. Slowly but surely it will come out in other areas and people will be more likely to respect you & listen to what you have to say.

If someone asks you how you are, and honestly you are not doing well...Then don't go overboard telling them how hunky dory life is while you are dying alone inside.

April 2, 2012

Our God's Alive

Come on everyone
See what He has done
He has lifted us,
He has overcome,
The power of the grave
And the sin that once enslaved
Couldn't hold Him in the ground
Couldn't keep Him down

Rise with a shout,
Cry out our God's alive
Rise holy fire, burn bright, burn bright
Rise with a shout,
Cry out for freedom
Rise church, arise
Our God's alive

Reigning on His throne
Drawing ever close
Giving us this hope
He'll never let us go
Oh, death has been defeated
Jesus Christ, Redeemer
Conquered hell and freed us
Forever we are saved

Rise with a shout,
Cry out our God's alive
Rise holy fire, burn bright, burn bright
Rise with a shout,
Cry out for freedom
Rise church, arise
Our God's alive

He alone can save us
He will not forsake us
He remains forever,
Our savior

See Him reign in power
Stronger than our failures
Always and forever,
Our savior