August 31, 2011

Oldie but Goodie!

 This is a post I wrote back in December of 2008! Enjoy!!!!

Yes, it is officially true.

So today I was scheduled for an MRI of my brain. (I'm fine-no worries, not the point) They offered the sedation/valium which I opted out of only because I wanted to get in before the New Year and it's easier to have Jeremy stay with the kids rather than he drive me and then getting the kids a sitter. I am VERY claustrophobic. It's gotten worse over the years. If you are not claustrophobic in any way shape or form then this is for you. To me, my freakish ways are valid ;-)

So I prayed and had others pray for me for today, I thought mind over matter. I will face this fear and conquer it HEAD on! Wooo! Amen!

I thought it could be good to relax, I had no fear whatsoever going in today. I was excited to "chill" and sit still for 45 minutes.

SO they lay me down explain things to me, proceed to put on headphones-I chose Christmas music, THEN this thing OVER MY FACE! It hits. My fear overwhelms me and takes over, I panicked & freaked out, in a panicking, quivering voice said "Can you please quick take this thing off of me for a second?!?!". I sit up, take a deep breath as if I am in labor, I kid you not! Then I said "Whew!"...a couple of more deep breaths..."I'm okay..I'm okay" "I can do this"...The lady said "are you sure, it's okay, etc etc. Just be happy you can lay still and relax". Oh she was so gracious and so patient with me!

Try 2...Everything back on, and we try an eye mask too. Then I REALLY freak out. "Oh my gosh, I can't do this" "I can't", "I'm sorry!"..."Ugh, I'm freaking out, I'm trying not to but I am" "Ohhhh I'm sorry, I guess I didn't realize I was this bad, I really thought I could do mind over matter"...So she takes the stuff off again, and I inquire about the sedation and all that. She tries talking me into staying and giving it a try since I was already there. I just rambled and over-explained myself and apologized for my freakish ways.

I even said at one point "I hope you never have another patient like me. oh my goodness, I feel so sorry for you".

I ask, "do you have christian music?"...

She said "Ohhh yes, oh yes, we have all kinds"...

me- "okay, ahhhhhhhh (sigh....)I'll do christian music & just pray" Lay down again...(Try 3)

me- "maybe this blind fold isn't helping" "what do most claustrophobic people do?" *sigh* "oh I don't know, I am literally freaking out inside".

I sit up as fast as I layed down. (before she ever had time to out the helmet thing on)
"Um...Can I call my husband?"

lady-"you want to call your husband?"

me- "yea, he's good at mind over matter things and I want him to pray for me"

lady -"okay, sure."

me- "Oh thank you for being so patient with me, I am so sorry for freaking out, I'm trying really hard here"

So I go to call Jeremy...3x a charm and he finally answers (I was calling from that office)

Jeremy- "Hello?"

me-crying, sniff sniff " freaking out"

Jeremy- "Come on, MAN up, It's not so bad" -"I had to have one of my shoulder and head, it's fine"

me-"did they put the thing over your face like a football helmet?"


Me -"well you're not claustrophobic"
..."I can't do this"
"I need a valium"

Jeremy-"Laura, you have to do this. Come on"

me-"just pray for me, i am seriously freaking out I've tried 3 x"

Jeremy-"seriously Laura you'll be fine"

me- "I am seriously FREAKING out, just pray for me"

So I go back...ask if I have to have those headphones on..she gave me ear plugs instead-bless her heart, I gave her back her blind fold. She put me in the "tube" without the helmet to test it out-then back out again. Then put on the helmet and put me in and back out...And it was there I DID IT! MIND OVER MATTER!

"Okay, I can do this" I said
"Okay" she said, "you're going to do great!"

I go in and got the giggles, I TOTALLY sucked it up which is hard for me to do, but I wanted to bust my gut as I thought about telling my sister about how I freaked out and had to call my husband crying.

Ahhhh, I survived and faced my fear! Chances are I am now more claustrophobic than before, but hey. I am alive.

I told my sister and she said "GOOD thing you didn't laugh, she would have had the psych ward down to evaluate you. First you are flipping out and crying, then the next you are laughing hysterically!"

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