November 14, 2011

Restless Monday Morning

It's 4:30 in the morning. I've been up since 3 something. THIS IS RARE. I am so not a morning person. Up until 2 years ago I used to rise early and truly look forward to my time with God in the morning. But with the trauma & tragedy of my brother's accident I somewhere, somehow find myself comfortable with sleep. Is it fear, am I afraid to rise for what the day might bring? I honestly don't know. But it's time to get those mornings back. That precious time with God before beginning my day. It's time to move past the emotional exhaustion of life's troubles. Time to grow & heal. Time to mend & build. Time to chill before the hustle & bustle of my day.

I find myself very restless this morning. I have a lot on my mind from is an espresso bean and a coffee bean essentially the same thing to My nephew Trevor who is in Boot Camp & graduates as a Marine this week!! And then another family member who I desperately want to see the truth and love God with all of his heart, yet I can't understand why it's not happening or what the barrier is. Then I know that its time to step out in pursuit of the call God has on my life personally, the time is here. But where do I exactly go from here?

Regarding the espresso beans, there's no such thing. Thank you Google (Espresso beans vs coffee beans)!

These Lyrics from Need to Breathe are beautiful :
Push the urge away
To wake up feeling just the same as yesterday
Time, it heals the pain
But painful is the angry heart when time remains

I am thinking that I need to push that urge away to sleep my day away. No matter what has happened in my life. I can choose my attitude for the day and refuse to wake up feeling the way I used to. Time does heal pain, but being that time still remains I am not fully healed from a lot of things in life. Because I sweep them to the side and go on with my busy life. Never really taking the time needed to tackle each individual issue. I think we all have so many underlying issues that we never really know about until it's too late and has escalated in to so much more. Little things add up. Tiny, seemingly innocent issues add up.

I'm not talking anything major or earth shattering. It can be the most minuscule situation, problem, issue, or feeling. At least half the time we haven't a clue what we are dealing with.

That's why that personal time with God during the day is so precious and so necessary. Whenever is best for you. For me, I have to do it in the morning. I have to give God my first fruits and I need Him so that I can find my strength for each day IN Him. 

Another great song: Whatever You're Doing 
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
It's time to surrender to what I can't see
I'm giving in to something heavenly

There are a lot of unknowns in this life. We can all get caught up, overwhelmed, or lost in the hustle & bustle of life. In the mass chaos of it all. Taking on far more than God ever intended or desires for us to take on. 

Number 6:25-26 the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you;the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace

Psalm 29:11 The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.

Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Psalm 68:19 Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is a time for everything, 
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

My family member I daily have to give it up to God. I have to surrender him to the Lord continuously, knowing God loves him even more. We, as christians can't magically make anyone believe. We can be examples and love them, but we can't make them believe. 

Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray and TRUST God. 

What is this "time" in your life? 

For me it's a time to heal, mend and a time to build.

I am excited about what the future holds. God is so good. 

I'm done going through life afraid and holding back as a result of fear. I'm going to go on and do it afraid. Surrender my all to my Jesus. My Jesus, my constant companion He walks WITH me. 

No more subconsciously, not even realizing that I am, worrying about what is on the other side of this day, moment, or hour.

God's got this.

No more carrying my burdens.

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