April 30, 2012

On Edge

The title speaks for itself.

This is me.

The way I have been feeling.

It's really a whole bunch of things. That moment when everyone drives you insane. Every post you read makes you want to swear. The smallest situation that can set you off.

I am on edge. I hate being on edge. The following will show you just how so on edge I am...

People and their pompous, arrogant ways.

A lady at the gym I may just sock one to the next time I smile at her and she just looks at me with her ugly scowl. Yea, that's right lady, I will wipe that freaken scowl right off your pointy face. (I JUST HAVE TO SHARE THIS LITTLE UPDATE 5-1-12 The lady at the gym had a very cute dress on today...So I made a point to tell her "I really like your dress". She said thanks. I said "super cute". She said thanks again. And now I am over it because she accepted my TRUE compliment which erased my on edge-ness with her) :)

Bickering, arguing, bickering, arguing...sets me off.

Some people's happiness and perfect little lives put me on edge.

People who ask too many questions set me off.

Sometimes I don't want to answer questions. Sometimes I don't want to talk about myself. Can't I just listen to you?

People who have used us, crushed us and thrown us to the wayside and then carried on with their little life sets me off.

All the fitness crap I have become so over-obsessed reading. Eat this, don't eat this, do this, do that...Try it all, yet weigh the same. That sets me off. :)

The person who would comment on this that I need to count my blessings, puts me on edge. My blessings are counted. I am still on edge.

The mom with kids who barely has to work at her hot body sets me off.

Politics and stupidity sets me off.

Messes, clutter, my dog shedding, light when I am trying to sleep makes me on edge.

People loving and adoring a person that I know is a crooked fool puts me on edge.

When I am on to someone, but no one else is...or everyone else thinks that person is a saint, puts me on edge.

The unknown keeps me on edge.

People who play unnecessary, immature games set me off.

Not being listened to.

Being misunderstood.

People who talk about stuff like they know what they are talking about but haven't a clue and then get extra opinionated keep me on edge.

Advice when I didn't ask for it puts me on edge.

'Know it all's' put me on edge.

I am overwhelmed with who knows what...and on edge. I don't like feeling this way.

What am I doing to try and help myself and change my perspective?

1. Limit what I read.
In regards to the fitness stuff and news. All the don't do's and the must do's.

2. Recognize there are *certain days I must limit my time perusing facebook because that's when I read posts that annoy me the most as it pertains to certain people and places.
I am also limiting what comes to my phone because some people and their tweets put me on edge.
I have been quite delete & block happy lately :) It's SO liberating.

3. The doctor has ordered MORE SLEEP
I am trying very, very hard. Ideally 8 hours would be fabulous, but even 7 is better than the on average 5 hrs of sleep I currently get. Plus lack of sleep makes me fat.

4. Not being afraid of calling people out on their crap. Being a little more gutsy & confident.

5. Read my bible & pray more...I have admittedly been slacking at this in the midst of the busyness of life

6. Admitting my struggle & how I am feeling is humiliating & makes me vulnerable which in turn keeps me humble.

So this post is mostly for me. When I air my stuff I feel better.

But it's also for anyone else who feels or has felt so on edge that everyone and everything drives you bonkers. Or when life just seems to keep throwing lemon after lemon at you and you just cannot bring yourself to make the lemonade or find the silver lining in any of it.


Lacy said...

I feel the same way, pretty much every single one of those also puts me on edge along with many more! I've been so on edge lately, I snap and freak out at the drop of a hat. Glad I'm not alone:) Great post!

Oriane said...

Hey Laura,
I appreciate your honesty.
Hang in there. In the mean time, know that I am keeping you and your fabulous girls in my thoughts and prayers.
Love from France,

Anonymous said...

Some hurtful stuff.
Should think of the consequences before you spew.

Anne said...

My coworkers make me edgy!

Laura Chapman said...

Well, "anonymous"...I was giving scenarios NOT names. Situations NOT exacts. AND my blog is MY blog and from MY heart. I will still be real even if reality hurts. I am kind and loving and would never hurt anyone. Sometimes I feel on edge...along with the rest of the universe. I strive to admit my struggles because I know that I am not alone. I strive to be myself even if I know not everyone will like me. Warts & all. I am not superhuman nor would I ever claim to be.

Oriane & Lacy, Thanks!

Anonymous said...

sounds like anonymous is convicted!!! maybe he or she has taken it personally. great blog, as usual, straight from the heart.

vanessa k said...

Thanks for being real and open -it's so appreciated and needed these days. There are so many people that are fake, pretending they have it all together. That pride and self-righteousness puts us in a bad spot.
I find it refreshing to see people like you, keeping it real.
People value sincerity much more than phoniness.

Clare said...

I can't believe "anonymous" would feel so threatened by a heartfelt blog. You give encouragement to others. AND it is YOUR feelings, YOUR opinion. I love reading your blogs!

Alaina said...

Iagree..don't let anonymous even enter your space. negativity breeds contempt.

Jamie Willow said...

I think it's wise to limit exposure to people's "online" lives...it's a snapshot...it's not a moving picture and it's certainly not real life. I know lots of people who feel the same way as you and things like fb and twit just magnify it.

and I know this might be obvious, unnecessary advice...but when you are feeling this on edge, take it to your heavenly father...he will give you the grace you need to push through it and maybe even get you off of the edge for a little while and find some peace.

of course writing is a great release as well, clearly you know that also as you are a blogger :)

thanks for keeping it real!


Dave Skahen said...

Laura, great blog. Thanks for sharing your true feelings. I can totally relate to your FB and Twitter thoughts. Sometimes I feel like life is perfect for everyone in the world based on what's posted on FB and Twitter. Thanks for being genuine and say hi to those cute girls of yours. Tell Jeremy I'll be calling him soon to check in. Miss you guys.

The Almeidas said...

It puts me on edge when people lie! I mean, seriously, how do you think you can get away with a lie and I won't know? I'm talking lying that affects job status, relationships, etc, not "Oh, that dress isn't as terrible as you think" lying.

It puts me on edge when people criticize for no reason except to be critical. I mean, really? How can it make you feel good?

It puts me on edge when people take advantage of those willing to be kind. Just makes for a bummer day.

And finally, yes, I agree, advice when I didn't ask for it puts me on edge... especially when you have never ever left your corner of the world, and when I have traveled an enormous distance to be a part of yours and am still trying to adapt! GAH!!!!

That's all. Thanks for that. LOVE!!!

The Almeidas said...

(And by "yours", I don't mean you, Laura, I mean "you", person who is giving said unsolicited advice. :)

Laura Chapman said...

Lol! Kim, I knew what you meant!!

Thanks everyone for all of the encouragement, it really means a lot to me!!!

SingleMomof4 said...

You are so right Laura! You are not alone in your feelings. I don't feel all the ones you do, but some of them and then I have some of my own. Ha! If I really think about it though, there are times when these feelings are stronger than others. Stronger when I am depressed or crabby or tired. Less when I am walking with Him and in the word... If only it were that easy! <3