The Past & it's Broken Pieces

Don't let your failures define who you are. Learn from them & leave them in the past. God is greater than our mistakes. He is full of mercy & grace. Learn lessons & move on. Draw near to God. He is waiting with arms wide open. YOU are so loved! Don't live a life of regrets. Don't beat yourself up over yesterday's failures. 

Come as you are, with all your broken pieces & all your shameful scars. Bring all of the pain you hold in your heart to Jesus! Listen to this song & let the words bless your heart. Receive God's forgiveness and don't continue beating yourself up over the past that cannot be changed.

Louder than the voice that whispers you're unworthy, hear the sound of love that tells a different story! Shattering your darkness & pushing through the lies. How tenderly he calls us! His arms are open wide!

You may have messed up in your life and feel so ashamed of your past, but God forgives us, loves us and will never be ashamed of us when we give it all to Him!

I, even I, am He who not only forgives your sin, but also forgets! -Isaiah 43:25

Man Up

My mom & younger sister cannot swallow pills. My mom & sis have to crush, break, put in applesauce or pudding. So another one of my sisters was telling my mom that any thing she does other than swallow is going to be disgusting. My younger sis and mom are conversing back and forth over different ways to get the pills from mouth down the esophagus.

I said "Man up & swallow the pill". Easy advice. Easy advice that reminds me of another "man up" time.

I was scheduled for an MRI of my head back in 2008 because of my TMJ. They offered the sedation/valium which I opted out of only because I wanted to get in before the New Year and it was easier to have Jeremy stay with the kids rather than he drive me and then getting the kids a sitter and all that jazz. 


I am VERY claustrophobic. It's gotten worse over the years. If you are not claustrophobic in any way shape or form then don't judge.

So I prayed and had others pray for me for that day, I thought mind over matter. I will face this fear and conquer it HEAD on! 

I tried to make the most of it and thought it could be good to relax and have some peace, I had no fear whatsoever going in to it. I was actually excited to "chill" and sit still for 45 minutes without people around.

(Try 1)-SO they lay me down explain things to me, proceed to put on these huge 1980 headphones over my ears-I chose Christmas music, then she puts this thing OVER MY WHOLE FACE! It looked like this cage for my head. 

And so it hits. My fear overwhelms me and totally takes over, I panicked & freaked out, in an anxiety-ridden, hyped up voice said "Can you please quick take this thing off of me for a second?!?!". I sit up, take a deep breath as if I am in labor. Hooo Hooo, deep breath in, deep breathe out, Then I said in a high pitched voice "Whew!"...a couple of more deep breaths..."I'm okay..I'm okay" "I can do this"...The lady said "are you sure, it's okay. Just be happy you can lay still and relax". Oh she was so gracious and so patient with me!

(Try 2)...Everything back on, and we try an eye mask too. Then I REALLY freak out. "Oh my gosh, I can't do this" "I can't", "I'm sorry!"..."I. Am. Freaking. Out. I'm trying not to but I am". "Ohhhh I'm sorry, I guess I didn't realize I was this bad, I really thought I could do mind over matter". So she takes the stuff off again, and I inquire about the sedation and all that. She tries talking me into staying and giving it a try since I was already there. I just rambled on and on and on and on and over-explained myself and apologized for my freakish ways.

I said at one point "I hope you never have another patient like me. Oh my goodness, I feel so sorry for you".

Contemplating try 3, I ask, "do you have christian music?"

She said "Ohhh yes, oh yes, we have all kinds"...

me- "okay, ahhhhhhhh (sigh & deep labor breaths again)I'll do christian music & just pray" Lay down again for (Try 3)...


(Try 3) me- "maybe this blind fold isn't helping". "What do most claustrophobic people do?" *huge dramatic sigh* "oh I don't know, I am literally freaking out inside".

You see that little guy in that little "patient" part...S.C.A.R.Y

Look at that thing! It's like a tunnel of heck! A tunnel of death and pure scary-ness! The tunnel of doom & gloom.

I sit up again. (before she ever had time to put the helmet/head cage thing on)
"Um...(awkward pause, deep breaths, tears in eyes, heart palpitations) Can I call my husband?"

lady-"you want to...call...your husband?"

me- "yea, he's good at mind over matter things and I want him to pray for me"

lady -"okay...sure."

me- "Oh thank you for being so patient with me, I am so sorry for freaking out, I'm trying really hard here". My voice is still quivering.

So I go to call Jeremy...

Jeremy- "Hello?"

me-crying, no, bawling & sniff sniff "I...am... freaking out"

Jeremy- "Come on Laura, MAN up, It's not so bad" -"I had to have one of my shoulder and head, it's fine"

me-"did they put the thing over your face like a football helmet?"

Jeremy-"yes"

Me -"well you're not claustrophobic"..."I can't do this"..."I need a valium"

Jeremy-"Laura, you have to do this. Come on"

me-"just pray for me, i am seriously freaking out I've tried 3 times and I haven't even gone in the machine"

Jeremy-"Seriously Laura, you'll be fine"

me- "I am SERIOUSLY FREAKING out, just pray for me" 


I go back to the table of doom & gloom, horror & mayhem...ask if I have to have those headphones on (thinking the less stuff confining my head, body & causing restraint, the better), she gave me little ear plugs. I gave her back her blind fold too. "I won't be needing this Ma'am" She puts me in the "tunnel of doom" without the "helmet/head restraint" to test it out-then back out again. Okay, I feel better. I can do this. Then put on the helmet and put me in and back out again. Baby steps...


"Okay, I can do this" I said


"Okay" she said, "you're going to do great."


And...I DID IT! MIND OVER MATTER! I manned up! Sat still for 45 minutes, tried to relax and calm my nerves by talking to myself in my head as I focused on being fine over the tight little space I was enclosed in and almost lost my life to (or so it felt like I might).


So whatever our situations, fears, worries, anxieties, we need to MAN UP and face it head on. Don't skirt issues. Do it afraid. We cannot let fear stop us or enslave is from doing what's gotta be done!

Worship Wednesday (Born is the King)

Lift up your voice and sing out His praise, it's Christmas!

Worship Wednesday (Be Born in Me)

I will hold you in the beginning
You will hold me in the end
Every moment in the middle
Make my heart Your Bethlehem
Be born in me -Mary

Wandering Aimlessly Through the Duh's of Life

Tonight for dinner I plan to a make an artichoke chicken bake and I needed artichokes since they are not something I generally stock up on and have readily available. I swear I searched that stinking grocery store HIGH and low looking for artichokes. I am telling you E.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e! Up, down, all around! In Laura-like typical fashion I, of course, don't ask anyone for help, and I wander aimlessly around the store searching for canned artichokes. 2 arguing 4 year olds in the cart & one snot nosed 22 month old...Aimlessly wandering. Grabbing other things I need, still looking for the artichokes, semi-cussing in my head because I cannot find the stinkin things. "Appear already you stupid little things!"...I almost lost all of my sanity over stupid artichokes. I even debated in my head which aisle would be best to stock cans of artichokes. Because clearly they weren't near the vegetables for some reason, even though they were! Maybe they are a fruit for some strange reason? Maybe a legume? I don't know, cause I sure as heck ain't seeing them by the vegetables.

BUT, alas, to what should my wandering eye appear after my 8th walk down the canned veggies aisle???? But cans of artichokes out of no where suddenly right where I first-started-looking. To think, I almost changed dinner plans and artichokes ARE really a vegetable.

I don't know why I don't ask people/workers for help when I need it. I don't know why I'd rather wander aimlessly and change an entire menu when I could have been out of the store, ingredient in hand 30 minutes prior had I just asked.

How often do we do this in life? Look for answers that have been in front of us the whole time? Wander aimlessly through life trying to do it all on our own? Wandering through life's moments searching for the ingredients needed for each day in all of the stockpiles of crap we've carried on our own through the years?

Looking for love? Looking for a friend? Looking for guidance? Looking for answers? Look up & look in front of you. Chances are you have been staring at it square in the eye the whole time.

Let's stop searching for answers in the wrong places. Let's stop trying to do life all on our own and accept help from those around us.

God has a purpose for us. He knows the destination and He has placed people all around us that can help.

Life is WAY too short to merely exist. It's way too short to dream away.

Don't waste your life wandering aimlessly...

Forever in Our Hearts

On this day, the 2 year anniversary of my brother's tragic car accident that killed 3 of his best friends, he writes:


Everyday I wish that any of you would have survived along with me, but I understand that it's my burden to carry. I'm not alone, I have some of the greatest friends and support I could ask for. I love you so much, and I wish this had never happened to begin with. I will keep you three in my heart with every ounce of consciousness. The earth is just that much worse of a place to live without you three in it. SLS -Andy


If that's not beautifully said I don't know what is.

This video was taken right before the accident. The last moments of their lives.

God bless all who have lost 3 beautiful lives on this day Dec 3, 2009. 

God bless my brother who must live with this burden

December 3, 2009- Forever in Our hearts

I Love You Andy!
Miracle

What's for Dinner?? (Lasagna Soup)

I made this for dinner tonight and it was absolutely DELICIOUS! Like always I did some improvising and a little of my own thing. No measuring as usual which drives people nuts when it comes to trying to share the recipe.

Original: Lasagna Soup

1 ground sweet italian sausage (browned)
3 cloves garlic, minced (I used garlic powder)
1 onion, chopped 
1 (32-ounce) container chicken broth
1 (15-ounce) can tomato sauce (I used a ginormous bulk size Contadina brand sauce Probably around 64 oz or more)
1 (14 1/2-ounce) can petite diced tomatoes (I didn't use, but did do a TON of sauce ^^)
1/2 teaspoon salt (I used seasoned salt)
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper & I added Penzey's smoked paprika also (BEST spice ever!)
4 ounces broken whole-wheat lasagna noodles (about 4 noodles) (I used macaroni noodles because it's what I had) 1/2 cup chopped fresh basil (No fresh basil anymore on hand at my house so I used a garlic powder/basil mix by McCormick)
3 tablespoons grated parmesan cheese (You gotta do the fresh stuff & grate it yourself & come on, only 3 tablespoons? No way. Don't ever go easy on the cheese)

I added half & half too, just cause I felt like it!
Shredded mozz for the top
I also added brown sugar to the soup...no idea how much
And then I did some little sliced french baguettes in the oven with butter & garlic...Mmmmmm